Travel FanboyBeing a Globalist at Hyatt isn’t just a tier status. It’s a way to identify needlessly boastful travelers. Join any number of the Hyatt Globalist forums or online groups and you’ll see how they plan their travels to squeeze every dime out of a set of snooze-inducing perks they earned by spending a third of the year away from their families so they could rack up qualifying nights at their local Hyatt Place. Below are a few reasons why you have no need to join this group of pompous dweebs.
Free parking is only for award stays
Paying customers can get lost. The clowns who manufacture spend on their Hyatt credit cards, racking up a gluttonous amount of points and free night certificates are the ones who enjoy this “perk”. If you don’t rent a car when traveling, this perk amounts to nothing anyway.
Free breakfast is a dud
Yeah, scarfing down dry scrambled eggs is exactly the way I want to start each day of vacation. As expected, the penultimate dorks of the travel world would rather eat at an overpriced breakfast buffet than step outside in the sunshine and enjoy a local, cultural delicacy.
Globalists like to factor in the billed price of breakfast when they calculate how much they “saved” with their status. Sorry, that $30 continental breakfast is worth half that in the real world. And if you must stick with Hyatt, you can stay at a Hyatt Place and Hyatt House and have breakfast on the house without having elite status.
Late checkout is late when available
Like all things in life, not much as a Globalist is guaranteed, except for them being the dullest people you’ll ever have the misfortune of meeting in the elevator. Sure late checkout is 4:00 PM, but only if that’s available. If they have more important people checking in and, let’s face it, almost everyone is more important than these Anthony Bourdain wannabes, you can’t count on this benefit.
Gift of Honor
Oh god who even cares about this? Congrats, you treated your mother-in-law to a day-old bagel and bland coffee in the hotel lobby.
Room upgrades aren’t guaranteed either
Yes, the chance to be upgraded to a standard suite is a possibility at check-in. This is actually quite on the nose because no one would ever describe the personality of a Globalist as being more generous than just “standard”. These upgrades aren’t guaranteed and, because I’m not a dolt like them, I’m not going to gamble my comfort based on whether or not several Globalist dorks got to the hotel before me and snagged the upgrade. And they will be there before you because they have nothing going on in their monotonous lives because their status is their entire personality. Hyatt makes it easy and relatively inexpensive points-wise to reserve suites, so I always guarantee myself the big room by paying upfront.
They’re only in it for the bragging rights
When it comes to the world of loyalty, there are the haves and have-nots. Everyone wants to have a level head when it comes to approaching status attainment, but not everyone can. The latter are Globalists. Do you know how you can tell if someone is a Globalist? Just wait 10 seconds and they’ll tell you. The hardest thing about being a Globalist, apparently, is being modest about it. “I parked for free here!”, they’ll proudly exclaim to anyone within earshot in the lobby.
They’ve dedicated themselves to Hyatt. They use the #Hyatt4Life hashtag on Twitter unironically so people know they and the brand are one. It’s pathetic. Never mind that other hotel loyalty programs offer similar Globalist perks with tiers that are easier to achieve. Never mind that Hyatt’s footprint is relatively small compared to competitors. Globalists still think they’re a big deal. I can’t imagine being a part of that band of boneheads.
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